Wednesday, December 31, 2014

Good Riddance 2014

Victorian oval in teal, seafoam and light purple.

2014 has been an extremely rough year for me. Physically, financially and mentally.  Let me just say reality sucks....

Physically I discovered I was a lot more exhausted than any of us (friends and family) thought.  I think we all thought after a month or so of good sleep I'd be caught up, healthy and ready to go again.  It took months.  For months I slept 12 to 14 hours a night.  Towards the end of June my body started to get into a more regular sleep pattern.  It was towards the end of October before I really started to get my energy and stamina back and to feel like myself again.

Financially I am finally (although extremely slowly) crawling out of the financial hole I've put myself in.  I was hired as a checker at one of our three local Safeway's stores at the end of June.  I still enjoy being a checker.  At this point I have volunteered for closing shifts.  I am hoping for three, eight hour shifts a week.  This leaves me most of the day to work for myself in the glass shop.  I can work in the shop and still go to work checking without any problems.  It doesn't work in reverse as I am too tired from checking to work on glass projects in the shop afterwards.

Mentally/emotionally this year has been another one from hell and ranks in the top three of the most horrible times in my adult life. I've had to give up a lot more life long dreams and expectations.   I've dealt with a lot of guilt and resentment and self hatred. Not to mention feelings of loss, inadequacy and worthlessness.  Confrontation of denial.  Who and what I thought I am was destroyed.  My foundations were thoroughly rattled.  My self confidence, self respect and self worth were left in tatters.

I have been blessed with my beloved sisters of the heart, new and old who have kept me going the past six months.  They have been there for me.  Listening, supporting and loving me. They have been an inspiration in  my darkest hours because if they survived so can I and I don't want to let them down.  They have been my anchors throughout this depressing time.  I hope they realize that.  I am so grateful for them and my sons for all their love and support.