Wednesday, December 31, 2014

Good Riddance 2014

Victorian oval in teal, seafoam and light purple.

2014 has been an extremely rough year for me. Physically, financially and mentally.  Let me just say reality sucks....

Physically I discovered I was a lot more exhausted than any of us (friends and family) thought.  I think we all thought after a month or so of good sleep I'd be caught up, healthy and ready to go again.  It took months.  For months I slept 12 to 14 hours a night.  Towards the end of June my body started to get into a more regular sleep pattern.  It was towards the end of October before I really started to get my energy and stamina back and to feel like myself again.

Financially I am finally (although extremely slowly) crawling out of the financial hole I've put myself in.  I was hired as a checker at one of our three local Safeway's stores at the end of June.  I still enjoy being a checker.  At this point I have volunteered for closing shifts.  I am hoping for three, eight hour shifts a week.  This leaves me most of the day to work for myself in the glass shop.  I can work in the shop and still go to work checking without any problems.  It doesn't work in reverse as I am too tired from checking to work on glass projects in the shop afterwards.

Mentally/emotionally this year has been another one from hell and ranks in the top three of the most horrible times in my adult life. I've had to give up a lot more life long dreams and expectations.   I've dealt with a lot of guilt and resentment and self hatred. Not to mention feelings of loss, inadequacy and worthlessness.  Confrontation of denial.  Who and what I thought I am was destroyed.  My foundations were thoroughly rattled.  My self confidence, self respect and self worth were left in tatters.

I have been blessed with my beloved sisters of the heart, new and old who have kept me going the past six months.  They have been there for me.  Listening, supporting and loving me. They have been an inspiration in  my darkest hours because if they survived so can I and I don't want to let them down.  They have been my anchors throughout this depressing time.  I hope they realize that.  I am so grateful for them and my sons for all their love and support.

Friday, September 12, 2014

July & August 2014

The past two months have been quite the roller coaster ride.  Extremes in every aspect of my life.  

Due to all the new and increased demands in my life and on my time I have had to make the painful decision to put my Etsy shop on vacation.  I am available through the Etsy e-mail/contact system and also on my Facebook page.  I can always do a custom listing for something one might of had their eye on!   

I started a new job as a grocery checker on July seventh.  Due to "new job" fatigue and illness I pretty much ate, slept and worked the first six weeks.  I am finally starting to get into the swing of things I think. I am feeling more energetic than I have in years.  I am getting a great work out while working and I am re-discovering how much I enjoy being a checker. (I was checker at a pet food store many years ago.) 

I am starting to learn to balance my time in the glass shop when I'm not at my checker job along with housekeeping, yard work and fixing up my garage.  My relationship shriveled up and died along with some dreams. Reality is cold, hard and brutal.  It has made me look hard at myself and I think I've learned a lot about myself.  

So for now I am learning to balance the most immediate concerns in my life.  With learning that balance I will be able to gradually add other things back into my life.  Part of this is also catching up where I left off about three years ago home and yard wise.  A good topic for another day.

Saturday, January 11, 2014

Welcome 2014, Another New Year & A New Life

Here are some pictures of the necklace I made to go with the earrings that are on the top.  This lovely set I named "Dawn's Promise"  after a food friend and the fact that the colors of the dichroic glass cabochon reminded me of a morning sunrise's light glowing on our Cascade Mountains.  This set and several pairs of earrings went to a local jewelry store.  The owner has them displayed in her front window even!  And this set was sold a week before Christmas.   What a wonderful boost to my jewelry making ego.

I was convinced to quit my paper routes and did so at the end of the year.  In hindsight I am very grateful that I did quit.  This past year has really worn on me, ground me down.  I have been ill pretty much every six weeks.   And so I have not had nearly enough energy to even keep up with things let alone get ahead.  And ill health doesn't just mess with me physically, it also screws with me financially.  I'm tired-so it's easier to get a pizza or some fast food.   Too icky to work, but not tired enough to sleep means I want distractions-like a book.  Etc;, etc;   

I am so grateful to be free of this awful cycle.  I look forward to a happier and healthier new year.  To finally be able to do so many things that I need to, want to and have been putting off for far to long.  

One of these things will be a thorough housecleaning from top to bottom. Every nook crevice, cranny and storage hole included.  I will sort, give away, toss and so organize this place from top to bottom.

Another one is to eat healthier.  More cooking from scratch and meal planning. I have most of the grocery shopping done.  I do need to get a few more things, but I have already started by cooking a nice, big ham for dinner tonight.  Tomorrow night my other half will be making us ham and cheese omelettes. I've already put another two meals in the freezer, the ham bone for a nummy pot of beans and a nice chunk of ham for a ham steak meal.  I will divide up the rest of the ham slices into packages for future meals like sandwiches, omelettes, frying or what ever else I choose to do with it.

I feel so much better and healthier already.  I have so much more energy.  I believe I forgot what it was like to feel human.  

I'll write more later!